All About The Secrets
by Aeris1172
Summary: "Ha! They would never know his coy disappearance was to follow Hermione - he was far too stealthy." - DMHG; It's Christmas break - things are going to get crazy. Can be read as standalone OR sequel. UPDATE!
1. Taste The Rainbow

**All About The Secrets (And Maybe Some Unity)**

**a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z**

**Chapter One: Taste the Rainbow**

Hermione Granger woke up.

Oh, yes indeed she did, but it was certainly against her will. She was snuggled comfortably in her bed, curled up under the fluffy comforter and there very well may have been a smile plastered on her lips due to her nice dreams about Malfoy and ponies. She was content in her state of drowsy half-awareness. The rest of the girls of Gryffindor were crowded around, chattering and blabbering about their plans over the Christmas break. Hermione heard in and outs of gossip and thoughts on Harry's preference of boxers or briefs. She shifted slightly to warm her left big toe, which was surprisingly cold. Lavender picked up on the movement.

"Oh, Hermione!" She sing-songed, springing onto the girl's bed.

Hermione's brain screamed at her to stay still. Her thoughts fought back and forth with each other, listing the pros and cons. Hermione figured a few minutes had passed, then only to remember Lavender would have said her name six million more times. She sometimes forgot that her mind ran at the speed of a cheetah on crack. However, her eyelids seemed not to receive the message and cracked open to reveal the girl on the bed, who was grinning at her like a madwoman. Hermione grumbled.

A round of giggles came from the girls, along with little things to prod Hermione into a vague state of consciousness.

"What're you doing over winter break?" Lavender inquired happily. Hermione stared at her through heavy-lidded eyes.

"Malfoy…?" she mumbled with a sort of 'duh' expression on her face, then fell back onto the bed and closed her eyes, immediately falling back asleep.

The room was completely silent and Lavender was staring at Hermione's sleeping form, her jaw hanging open.

"She's going to do _Malfoy_?"

**a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z**

Hermione stalked into the Great Hall, rubbing her eyes, her robes billowing behind her. Mondays were always the worst. As she sat down at the Gryffindor table, she earned a few confused looks. She blinked and glanced at Harry and Ron, who were eyeing her in the same way.

"What?" She inquired.

"Don't you 'what' us," Ron said in an accusatory tone.

"...What?" Hermione repeated, confusion evident in her voice.

"What are you doing over break, Hermione?" Harry asked gently. Hermione raised a brow.

"Going to see my family. Why?"

"We heard differently," Ron said, almost triumphantly. "We heard you're gonna _do Malfoy_."

"_What_?" Hermione screeched. Almost the entirety of the Gryffindor table ceased whatever they were doing and took a moment to stare. It took the Gryffindor bookworm a minute to regain herself, taking a deep breath. "That's _disgusting_." Her housemates turned back to their chatter.

"Lavender told us," Ron said.

Hermione groaned and rolled her eyes. "I remember this conversation."

"Can you please enlighten us?" Harry asked. "For God's sake, we have no idea what's going on."

Hermione sighed and in one long breath she exclaimed, "I was sleeping, Lavender asked me what I was doing for break, I had been dreaming about ponies and Malfoy, I accidentally said Malfoy."

Ron and Harry gaped.

"That's all."

"Malfoy and-"

It took Ron longer to process what she'd said than Harry.

"Wait, wait, wait. Malfoy and _ponies_?" The Weasley interrupted.

Hermione inwardly cursed herself.

"Carnivore ponies. Eating Malfoy," she lied.

"Ah. Excellent dream," Harry exclaimed before taking a sip of his orange juice.

Hermione nodded, relieved, then grabbed for a plate, glancing across the tables at Malfoy. He was staring at her, unamused, with a single brow arched.

All the way at the Hufflepuff table, Laurie chewed on her toast thoughtfully, like a squirrel, staring across the Great Hall at Hermione, who was staring across the Great Hall at Malfoy, who was staring across the Great Hall at her.

"I shink I can tashte the shexual tension," she said through a mouthful of toast. "And eh tashtes like..." The young girl took a moment to smack her lips together, swallow and think it over. "Cherries. Definitely tastes like cherries."

"That's your jam," Anne pointed out dryly, looking at her out of the corner of her eyes.

"Oh." Laurie glanced at her toast for a second, then shrugged and took another rather large bite. Anne set her spoon down and patted her mouth with a napkin.

"But yes, I agree. The sexual tension is palpable," she said.

"And cherry?" Laurie asked hopefully. Anne glared. The other girl sighed and continued eating her toast, but after a moment Anne hummed.

"Palpable, but not cherry. More like... _strawberry_."

Laurie slammed her hands on the table, earning a few glances from her fellow Hufflepuffs.

"_That_ was it! Strawberry! I totally thought it was cherry because of my toast," she said loudly, explaining it to the people around her, pointing at the piece of bread in her hand. They all stared, frozen in whatever positions they had been in. "But... it was... actually... strawberry... Um. Yeah." She coughed, then turned to Anne, covering her face in embarrassment.

"They're all staring at me," she whispered, flickering her eyes back and forth between her housemates and her friend.

"You're screaming about flavors. I'd stare at you too," Anne told her nonchalantly, taking another spoonful of cereal into her mouth.

Laurie's eyes widened and she dropped her toast on her plate. She put one hand on top of the other, staring intensely at Anne, wiggling her thumbs.

"Aaaaaawkward," she whispered.

Suddenly, an owl collided with Laurie's head, causing her to bump against Anne, who choked on her cereal. An envelope dropped in front of the choking girl. She rubbed her scalp furiously, glaring at Laurie as she finally stopped choking. She opened it hastily and read the letter inside, her brows furrowing.

"What is it?"

"I'm reading," Anne mumbled, eyes skimming over the page.

"_What is it_?" Laurie repeated loudly. The other girl flailed one of her hands, slapping Laurie angrily, a frown plastered on her face.

"I said I'm reading, you twit!"

Laurie pouted and returned to eating her toast.

"Your mother's a twit," she grumbled irritably.

"Oh," Anne exclaimed shortly, blinking and putting the letter back down on the table.

"What'd it say?" Laurie inquired. Anne turned to her.

"Well, you know how I was supposed to go home for the break-"

"You're going home for break?" Laurie interrupted, her green eyes widening.

"No-"

"What am I going to do here all by myself?" Laurie wailed.

"Laurie, no-"

"I can't believe you're abandoning me!"

Anne huffed, the people around them staring once again.

"Will you please just-"

"_You don't love me anymore_!"

"What? I never-"

"I can't even-"

"_Laurie_!" Anne yelled. The other girl tried to catch her breath, her cheeks pink.

"Yes?" She inquired calmly.

"Will you please _listen_ for once? Note the 'was supposed to' in my first sentence. I am not leaving for break, so will you please just calm _down_?"

"Oh, you're not leaving? Good," Laurie said nonchalantly, turning back to the food on her plate, as if she hadn't just been wailing and practically sobbing. Anne rolled her eyes and reached for her drink.

"Wait."

Laurie had frozen in place and was sniffing the air like a dog. Anne furrowed her brows.

"What is _wrong_ with you, today, Laurie? You're mad," she exclaimed.

"The taste. It changed," Laurie said shortly, looking around the hall. "It tastes like blueberries."

"Really, are you insane-"

A shriek came from the end of the hall. Hermione stood up in a rush, nearly toppling over the bench. She slammed her hands on the table, looking across the hall straight at Malfoy, whose face contorted in confusion. The Gryffindor jerked her head towards the doors of the Great Hall, just slightly, almost imperceptible, then she stormed out, a piece of paper in her hands.

A few eyes followed her out, then most of the occupants of the Great Hall resumed whatever it was they had been engaged in. Laurie and Anne watched carefully and when they saw Malfoy stand from his seat and casually exit the hall, they both glanced at each other knowingly.

Anne smirked.

"You ready?" She inquired, raising a brow, ready to jump off of the long bench.

Laurie pulled a pair of sunglasses out and slipped them onto her face, her expression serious.

"Let's roll."

"...what is _wrong_ with you today?"

Laurie shrugged before standing up, brushing her robes off. Anne rolled her eyes and relinquished her seat at the table, stalking off. Laurie rushed after her. The two bounded out of the great hall after the couple.

Unaware to all of the goings on outside of them, the four students did not see a set of eyes watching them the whole time.

Those eyes belonged to a curious Professor Minerva McGonagall.

**a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z**

**AN: **So, um, it took me five years. But here's a sequel! I'll actually work on this, I promise. I'm really having a lot of fun writing it. Reviews are always much appreciated. Thank you kindly.

- Aeris


	2. Shock Me, Shock Me, Shock Me

**All About The Secrets (And Maybe Some Unity)****  
****Chapter Two: Shock Me, Shock Me, Shock Me**

* * *

After casually shuffling out of the Great Hall on a whim (or so most of his housemates _thought_... Ha! They would never know his coy disappearance was to follow Hermione - he was far too stealthy), Malfoy glanced stepped around the corner and out of view, only to almost run into the girl he'd been following. She stared up at him, a serious expression on her face. Malfoy was almost worried. _Almost_.

"I have something to tell you," she snapped. Hermione grabbed one of Malfoy's hands in hers, taking off at a quick pace, stringing the blond behind her .

"Hello to you too, Granger," he said. Finally she turned around and stopped short, hiding behind the side of a pillar. The Slytherin bumped into her.

"What? What is it?" He asked, the tiniest bit of worry showing in his voice.

"Guess," she told him simply. He pursed his lips and thought for a moment.

"Potter and Weasley are leaving and never coming back?" Malfoy inquired, his voice hopeful. Hermione glared.

"No."

He frowned.

"Hm, how sad."

Hermione completely ignored him.

"I'm staying!"

Malfoy looked down at her with a brow raised, waiting for a further explanation. She didn't stay another word, but an excited grin spread across her face. He frowned and began his sentence slowly.

"Staying... where?" He inquired, speaking at a leisurely pace, gauging her reaction, waiting to see if he was saying the wrong thing. Her smile faded and she stared at him like he was an idiot... which he clearly was.

"Here, Malfoy. For Christmas break."

The blonde blinked.

"Oh. _Oh!_"

"Yes, Draco, 'oh' is right," she teased. "I just received this letter from my pare - _hey_, give that back!"

The Slytherin snatched the letter out of her hands and cleared his throat before he began reading aloud dramatically.

"Darling Hermione," he started, only to promptly stop and look at her over the top of the letter, with a brow raised, "your parents still call you darling?"

"I'm their little girl-"

"You're almost seventeen," Malfoy pointed out.

"Yes, well, sometimes they call me Hermies."

"Like herpes?"

"_Malfoy_," she scolded, grabbing at the letter in his hands, her face flushing in embarrassment. He held it up out of her reach until she stopped jumping for it.

"Calm down, _Herpes_-"

The Gryffindor paled noticeably, her expression changing drastically. She glared daggers at the blond in front of her.

"I swear on Merlin's balls, if you _ever _call me that again..."

"Merlin's _balls_, huh?"

"The point is," she said loudly, finally snatching the letter from Malfoy's hand with a glare, "that my parents are on an anniversary trip."

"So?"

"So, that means that I'm staying here over break," Hermione exclaimed, looking at Malfoy like he was stupid. He rolled his eyes. "Which means..." She trailed off, waiting for her not-quite-boyfriend to finish. He stared at her.

"You don't have to see your parents cozied up?"

"No, it means we get to spend more time together, Draco," she said, slapping him in the chest playfully. He frowned, leaning against the wall.

"What about the Weasel and Potter? Aren't they staying too?"

"No," she said shortly. "They're going to the Burrow."

The gears in Malfoy's head began turning. His eyes widened.

"They're gonna be _gone_?"

"Yes, they are," the Gryffindor said happily, smiling up at the blond in front of her.

"It's just going to be us?"

"Yes, Draco, that's what I've been trying to - _oof_!"

Hermione's sentence was interrupted when Malfoy threw his arms around her and pulled her against him, squeezing her in a tight hug. Her cheek was smushed against his chest, shoulders hunched forward uncomfortably.

"I like you too, Malfoy, but I can't breathe."

"Oh," he said simply, releasing her from his death-grip hug, looking down at the girl sheepishly, "sorry."

"It's quite all right," Hermione exclaimed, brushing her fingers through her curls. Malfoy smiled brightly. The Gryffindor automatically raised a brow. It was never good when Malfoy grinned like that.

"What are you up to?" She inquired suspiciously.

"Just a little bit of nothing."

"That doesn't even make sense."

"Yes, it does."

"No, it doesn't."

Malfoy made a face, looking like he'd just smelled something foul.

"It completely does."

"Draco, it completely does not."

"Yes-huh," he said. Hermione was not amused.

"I am not arguing with you."

"Good, then, it's settled! It makes plenty of sense," Malfoy exclaimed.

"What?"

Malfoy's brows furrowed. "What?" He repeated. The Gryffindor flailed her hands in front of her.

"A little bit and nothing are opposites. They totally contradict each oth-"

A bang resounded from around the corner and both of them jumped.

"Shut up!" A voice reprimanded loudly. Hermione wasted no time in grabbing Malfoy again, taking off in a sprint down the corridor.

"Where are we _going_?" He whispered, trying to stay as close as he could. The Gryffindor didn't bother responding; she just kept up her long strides. Footsteps clacked loudly behind them and Malfoy shot a glance backwards. "They're gaining on us."

Hermione merely shot him a glare over her shoulder, which said _if you don't shut up, I am going to destroy your soul_. His mouth immediately snapped shut and he furrowed his brows. As they hugged the corner of the wall, the hallway came to a dead-end, two large door frames on either side of the corridor.

"What? The bathrooms?"

"We don't have _time_ for this, Draco."

With that, a hand clamped around his wrist and dragged him to the left. His eyes widened as they raced into the girl's lavatory.

"Oh, no, no, _no_ - _ow_!"

Hermione somehow managed to slap him in the process of pushing him into a stall and down onto a toilet. He looked up at her with a frown on his face as she closed the door behind her and put her index finger to her lips.

He stared at her with a raised brow.

"There are clearly two sets of feet in this stall."

Hermione frowned and made a face.

"Fine," she snapped before clambering into his lap, nearly pushing him off of the toilet in the process. Once she was comfortably seated on top of Malfoy, she crossed her arms. Malfoy peeked his head around the side of her.

"This isn't very comfortable," he grumbled, attempting to shift his position ever so slightly. She ignored him.

"Granger?"

No response.

"Hermione?"

Malfoy poked her arm. She didn't speak.

"...Love?" He whined.

"Be quiet," she finally huffed, shooting him a glare. He pressed his lips together, making puppy eyes and batting his lashes at her. She rolled her eyes and refocused her gaze onto the closed door. The clacking sound of footsteps echoed in the lavatory as someone approached the line of stalls the pair hid in. Hermione crossed her fingers and held her breath as they neared.

Finally, the footsteps stopped in front of the stall and Malfoy had to bite back the urge to curse.

"_Alohamora_."

The lock clicked and the door swung open by itself to reveal their pursuer.

"Professor?!" Hermione squeaked, rocketing off of Malfoy's lap.

"Good morning, Miss Granger," Professor McGonagall said coolly before leaning to the side and glancing around Hermione. "Mister Malfoy."

The Slytherin cleared his throat.

"Professor."

"I-" Hermione began before stopping, her mouth opening and closing repeatedly in an attempt to verbalize some sort of excuse. "I can explain."

"No need, Miss Granger," the woman exclaimed, stepping aside and extending an arm, offering the students an exit. "You were running from those awful girls."

Hermione stepped towards the door to the stall, her brows furrowed. Malfoy stood up, glancing at the professor.

"'Those awful girls'?" He repeated curiously, smoothing wrinkles from his robes.

"The young chatterboxes from Hufflepuff?" McGonagall offered.

"It was _them_?" Hermione hissed, eyes widening. "Oh, I am going to smack them silly."

"Hexes are more fun," Malfoy mumbled.

Hermione frowned and looked over her shoulder, glaring at him. McGonagall stared. The blonde attempted to backpedal pitifully.

"Er. I mean. Ah, aha-"

"No matter," Professor McGonagall interrupted Malfoy's stammering. "The point is that you two should probably get out of the girls' lavatory. Especially you, mister Malfoy."

"But... How are we supposed to get out when they're-"

"Professor?"

A pair of young voices echoed from the high arched entrance of the lavatory and the couple tensed. Footsteps clicked against the concrete of the floor as the girls eagerly approached and Hermione peered out of the stall. Indeed, it was the two terrible second years that had followed them and _forced_ them to kiss months earlier. She scowled.

"_You_," she snapped, stepping out of the bathroom stall. The girls both blinked up at her.

"Hermione! There you are," one of the girls exclaimed happily, a smile plastered on her face. "We were wondering where you went."

"Young ladies, I do believe you should be finishing your breakfast," McGonagall exclaimed, crossing her hands in front of her and peering down seriously at the Hufflepuffs through her reading glasses. They stared for a second.

"Hermione's not," the curly-haired girl exclaimed, pointing at the Gryffindor.

"Miss Granger is not feeling well. We believe she had some bad pumpkin jui-"

"Well, what about Malfoy?" The other girl inquired, her hands finding a place on her hips.

"I do not know about Malfoy. Should I?"

"Well, he's right there."

McGonagall blinked.

"No, he's no-"

The girls leaned forwards, glancing into the stall.

"Hello, Draco," they both said in unison. Hermione's forehead met the palm of her hand with a loud smack as Malfoy waved back weakly.

"Uh. Hello."

The girls stepped forwards, bumping into Professor McGonagall without a thought.

"What's going on?"

"You guys just rocketed out of the Great Hall!"

"Did something happen?"

"Oh, are you _pregnant_, Hermione?"

Had Malfoy been sipping a drink, it would have been spit everywhere. Instead he spluttered wordlessly for a moment before screeching.

"_What_?"

"That's ridiculous," Professor McGonagall and Hermione exclaimed at the same time. The Hufflepuffs looked rather disappointed, their expressions written across their faces clear as day.

"Look," Hermione began, before being interrupted by the Slytherin behind her.

"Where?" Malfoy said. She ignored him.

"We only have a few minutes before classes start and this is the girls bathroom, I highly doubt anyone wants a swarm of teenage girls catching all of us in here. What's the plan?" She inquired. Laurie and Anne stared. Professor McGonagall knit her fingers together in front of her, glaring down at the two girls disapprovingly through her glasses. She sighed deeply.

"I have an idea," the woman proclaimed. "You may not approve, but I guarantee it will work."

* * *

**AN:** So, again, with the extended periods of me not writing anything. It's a character flaw of mine. Sorry, guys. Hope you enjoyed the chapter, there's another one coming soon. I promise. It's not going to be another three years. Seriously, I promise. Please shoot me a review and let me know what you liked, did not like, want to see, etc.

Also, before anyone complains that this is OOC, I'd like to just say: duh. I'm not aiming for in character. It's supposed to be ridiculous, almost bordering on being a crack!fic.


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